P.S: I Like You But You’re Not Special

This was supposed to be a Valentine’s post but as it is no longer V-Day, let’s just call it a much-needed PSA from your favourite Leo.

Do you know what it’s like to like someone so much you can’t stand it and know that they’ll never feel the same way?

Jenny Han, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.

I been in love with many things; ideas, places, moments, the things people are made of. I love love, I’ve never been bitter about being single (okay, maybe in high school) because I don’t necessarily feel left out (sometimes, lol). I enjoyed scrolling through people’s Valentine’s posts and reading about their illuminating love stories. I loved hearing people recount their journeys and appreciating all the moments even the hard days. It’s beautiful.

I had a peaceful and Valentine’s Day. There’s this restaurant on campus that’s super cute. They don’t do entrées or anything but it’s always nice to have a sit-down meal (or snack in this case).

Impromptu Café. Painting: “Market Fresh Rainbow Shard” by Heathyr Shaw

It’s basically all tucked away in the corner of the third floor of the Memorial Union. It’s obviously not the cheapest lunch option but like I said, sit-down meals are nice and therapeutic for college students.

Now, that I remember, we were having brunch actually, my date and I (wink wink). The sandwich was divine. It was salmon (I think it was grilled). I also suspect it may have been coated with butter? I really should have asked about these things when I had them take out the brie. Anyway, the sandwich had pesto as well and it was made with ciabatta (as pictured above). I fought to wolf it down with the fries and second glass of lemonade as I do not know what “waste” is and that food was too good to leave behind on the plate.

They also served the ketchup in a tiny little finger-sized dish-type of thing (it looked more like a shot glass tbh); which was kind of exciting if you ask me, like who takes the time to serve their ketchup in fancy glassware?

My date was okay too, except they were on the phone with their mum for like, 30 minutes. Which I guess is fine, since their mum is mine as well.

Anyway let me tell you a thing or two about crushes and the vitality of infatuation. I really like having a crush because it wakes me up. It gives me something to think about when I need a little daydream to carry me through the day, but most of all, it puts a little smile on my face for no reason at all. It gives me something to look forward to or hope for, no matter how pointless. It keeps things interesting.

It usually starts like a how a shopping trip does. I’m going about life when something catches my attention. I stop in my tracks and continue to admire this thing and with each passing moment, I start to want it more and more. That’s the thing about crushes that’s so enticing; you can want a purse, sure, but wanting a person? That’s too scintillating for words!

I had a crush for a while, it was one of my more recent crushes in a more mature state of mind. I was fully intent on doing something about it, you know turning it into… more than a crush. I’ve never shot my shot before you know, I was even googling tips on how to do it right. I would say after a while it kind of dried out the way some crushes do, I forced it into a separate part of my mind that I pick up and look at every now and then like a dusty book on a shelf. We haven’t forgotten about each other though; which is, I guess, the sad thing. The idea that it could have ended differently.

But is it even over?

The point is, I have a new crush! Did I mention I’m a Leo?

Sometimes, I feel bad for my old crush, like maybe I’m cheating or something because now I’m replacing them in all my thoughts. But it’s so exciting! I’m giggling like a crazy person every time I see them and droning on and on to anyone who would listen about their smile, their eyes, their… height? Everything.

Ever since I had seen a post on instagram about how Leos (if you don’t know your zodiac signs, start now, because my blog will be filled with them) have a crush they can’t stop talking about until they find someone who’s more attractive. I feel like both of my crushes are attractive in different ways and I feel like they’re both different kinds of people; which is nice. I know very little about the both of them; which is even nicer because they can be anything I want them to be.

Sometimes I think I like having crushes more than the prospect of being in an actual relationship. It’s fun, it’s like little mini games lined up one after each other with little goals to achieve at every step: how to get your boo to fancy you.

You can probably tell that I grew up reading loads of romance novels, went through the Wattpad fan fiction stage in my teens, have a personalised list of romance movies I’ll never get over and now I think that my life is a movie and I’m waiting for my great love story.

Well, I wrote this with One Day on in the background so yes, I am all of those things.



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